You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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