mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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