:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
