I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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