she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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