I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
