I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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