i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
