i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I need to calm my uterus...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize