i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
