sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize