There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
handjob tips. give me some.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
