He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
