Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
