you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
