The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
