And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
