We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
