Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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