I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
