Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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