I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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