is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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