Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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