just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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