Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
