Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Actions speak louder than pants.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
