I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
