she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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