i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize