the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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