Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
