I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
