He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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