I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
