a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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