you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
