What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
