You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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