well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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