Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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