not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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