She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
