those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
