Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
