I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When are your genitals available?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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