worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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