you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
