2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
