Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
