I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
