thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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