Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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