thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
