Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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