I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Vodka?
Forever.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
