Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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