have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't deserve a penis
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
