I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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