Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize