So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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