My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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