He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
