I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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