woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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