cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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