Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
