i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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