When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
