Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
