the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
