am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize