We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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