Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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