Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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