I think I am morally bankrupt
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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